My 10-year-old pretends to forget instructions. How do I discipline without sounding like a broken record?

Parenting Perspective

Understanding the Behaviour

By the age of ten, children can grasp and manage expectations and routines. When a child repeatedly ‘forgets’ instructions, especially shortly after being informed, it is more likely an indication of avoidance or testing limits than actual forgetfulness. Repeating oneself sends the impression that your words are meaningless , and that discipline is negotiable.

The “Ask Once and Follow Through” Method

The first stage is to provide instructions once, clearly and quietly, while ensuring that the child is listening. Avoid calling from another room. To get their attention, make eye contact and ask: Please set the table now. Let me know when it is finished. This should be followed by a reasonable timeframe for action, rather than an imminent consequence, in order to establish a quiet expectation. If they do not act, do not follow up or nag. Implement a pre-agreed penalty without fanfare: You chose not to follow through. That implies you will not have any screen time this evening. Maintain a stern but compassionate demeanour. This connects decisions and consequences, rather than emotional battles.

Fostering Accountability

Use mechanisms that encourage accountability, such as chore charts, printed reminders, or basic checklists. These reduce the I forgot excuse and shift responsibility back to the child. Discuss during a peaceful moment: I have noticed that when I ask you to do something, you often say you forgot. What is happening? Do you need help remaining structured, or do you prefer to avoid it? Involving your child in the problem-solving process makes them feel responsible rather than restricted. Additionally, recognise and commend instances in which they do follow through: You demonstrated responsibility by listening the first time. I appreciate it. Positive reinforcement motivates change more successfully than repeated warnings.

Spiritual Insight

Islam says that accountability and trustworthiness (Amanah) are hallmarks of increasing moral maturity. Children must learn that their words, promises, and actions are important, especially as they approach the age of more responsibility. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ahzab (33), Verse 72:

“Indeed, We offered the Trust to the heavens and the earth and the mountains, and they declined to bear it and feared it; but man [undertook to] bear it. Indeed, he was unjust and ignorant.“

This verse emphasises the gravity of Amanah, and how humans, even in their weakness, are given the obligation to select and support what is right. It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 494, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

“Command your children to pray when they become seven years old.“

This Hadith explains that by a certain age, children are expected to take on religious and practical duties – but only after being consistently and carefully taught. By refusing to nag, remaining patient, and relating actions to natural consequences, you may teach your 10-year-old that commands are not suggestions. They are part of developing into a responsible Muslim, one who maintains trust even in minor duties.