My 9-year-old gets sarcastic or rolls their eyes when asked to do something. How do I handle this respectfully but firmly? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding the Behaviour 

By the age of nine, children had formed stronger opinions and demonstrated emotional independence. When they roll their eyes, use sarcasm, or respond with attitude, it is usually a way of testing boundaries or showing frustration. However, if left unchecked, these behaviours can develop into disrespectful habits that degrade the tone of the home. 

A Strategy for a Calm and Firm Response 

The goal is to respond calmly and firmly, rather than mockingly, passively, or very emotionally. When your child exhibits sarcasm or dismissive body language, correct them calmly but without emotional intensity. Use phrases like Eye-rolling is not respectful. You can disagree, but we speak politely in this house. Set the boundaries and then return to the task. Avoid engaging in back-and-forth disputes or snarky comebacks of your own; these promote the precise behaviour you are attempting to discourage. Do not disregard the disrespect simply because the child eventually cooperates. If they roll their eyes and then perform what is asked, pause and remark, I admire your follow-through. Next time, I expect a respectful tone. This helps children understand that both action and attitude are important. Address sarcasm patterns outside of the present. When calm, engage in a contemplative conversation: I have noticed that you tend to be sarcastic when frustrated. What exactly is going on when that happens? Children’s vulnerability might sometimes be hidden under an attitude. Help them identify their emotions and coach them on how to express them more effectively. Set a clear standard at home: respect is reciprocal. If adults frequently use sarcasm or roll their eyes, children will mimic it. Your example must be consistent, demonstrating firmness while also being emotionally respectful. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a high priority on respectful speech, even in moments of disagreement or displeasure. Rolling your eyes or employing a sarcastic tone is not only socially inappropriate; it reveals a deeper issue of adab (mannerliness) that must be addressed early on. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Isra (17), Verse 53: 

“And tell My servants to say that which is best. Indeed, Satan induces [dissension] among them. Indeed, Satan is ever, to mankind, a clear enemy. “

This verse explains that words and tones can cause division, and that believers should employ language that fosters unity. It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1977, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“A believer is not given to cursing, nor to abusing, nor to obscenity, nor to vulgarity. “

This Hadith establishes a high standard for how Muslims, especially children, should conduct themselves in speech and expression. By calmly addressing sarcasm, modelling respect, and relating tone to Islamic manners, you educate your child that discipline is more than just following laws; it is also about honouring people. That lesson develops character as well as compliance.