I want my child to fear Allah, not me. How do I use discipline to build God-consciousness, not fear of punishment? 

Parenting Perspective 

Shifting the Goal from Control to Tarbiyyah 

The goal of discipline in an Islamic household is not control, but Tarbiyyah: developing character, conscience, and a heart that chooses right even when no one is watching. When a child obeys out of fear of their parents, they may act publicly but stay emotionally disengaged. The goal is to raise a child who behaves with Taqwa (consciousness of Allah Almighty), rather than simply complying in front of you. 

Practical Language for Fostering Taqwa 

Begin by deleting fear-based language. Phrases such as Allah will punish you or You will go to Hell for this might elicit fear rather than respect. They frequently confuse children about Allah’s mercy and establish a link between Islam and terror. Instead, refer to Allah as Ever-Watching, Most Just, and Most Loving. Like the example below: Allah sees everything we do, even when no one else does. And He loves when we choose good. Let your discipline reflect this tone. When your child misbehaves, do not wonder, What will people say? – ask yourself: What do you think Allah would want you to do right now? This fosters interior reflection rather than external pressure. Use real-life examples to convey the concept of integrity. Just as we do not cheat in a game when no one is looking, we try to be honest because Allah watches everything. That is what makes us strong. Model this God-consciousness for yourself. When you apologise, keep a commitment, or manage your wrath, say loudly, I am doing this to please Allah. Children are more likely to absorb authenticity than sermons. Also, educate about Allah’s mercy and justice. Share stories about the Prophets, how they turned to Allah despite their errors, and how Allah blessed those who repented. Let your child know that Allah values effort above perfection. 

Spiritual Insight 

The magnificent Quran does not call believers to mindless terror, but to Taqwa, a condition of reverent awareness. This is the basis of Islamic discipline: doing the correct thing out of love, awe, and responsibility to Allah Almighty. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hashr (59), Verse 18: 

“O you who have believed, fear Allah. And let every soul look to what it has put forth for tomorrow. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is acquainted with what you do“. 

This verse reminds us that God-consciousness leads to self-reflection, which is a stronger motivator than fear alone. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2754, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“Indeed, Allah is more merciful to His servants than a mother is to her child.” 

This Hadith reminds us that our fear of Allah should be based on an awareness of His love, not dread or despair. By disciplining with reminders of Allah’s presence, love, and justice rather than threats and fear, you cultivate a heart that obeys not to avoid punishment, but to be closer to its creator. That is the origin of lifelong Iman.