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How do I respond when my child hides their wrongdoing instead of owning up? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding Why Children Hide Mistakes 

When a child hides their mistakes, it is usually out of fear of the repercussions, shame, or disappointing you. If every transgression is punished with scolding or shame, a child learns to hide rather than admit. Your job as a parent is to establish an environment in which the truth seems safer than silence. 

Creating a Safe Space for the Truth 

Begin by remaining calm when the truth comes out, whether they admit it or you uncover it. Avoid using phrases like Why did you lie? or You always hide things!. These charges breed shame, not trust. Instead, emphasise the importance of telling the truth over the specifics of what happened. I am here to help you repair it. If your child disputes the conduct but the proof is clear, do not force a confession. Simply mention the facts and emphasise the importance of honesty: I noticed the toy was broken. I know it is difficult to admit things, but it helps us learn and grow. You are not in danger for making a mistake—only for concealing it. Set a clear boundary: mistakes will have repercussions, but stating the truth will always be tolerated. If your child admits wrongdoing, decrease the punishment somewhat to demonstrate that honesty matters. Say, Thank you for being honest. That was brave. Let us solve it together. This teaches that responsibility leads to solutions rather than rejection. 

Making Truth a Family Virtue 

Make truth telling a family virtue. Use real-life stories or personal experiences to demonstrate how taking responsibility for our actions fosters trust. And model it yourself: if you forget anything or make an error, admit it: I, too, made a mistake, which I am correcting now. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam values truth as a fundamental characteristic of a believer. Mistakes are a natural part of being human, but wilfully concealing wrong is prohibited – not through terror, but through moral responsibility and repentance. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 283: 

Do not conceal the testimony, for whoever conceals it, his heart is indeed sinful, and Allah is Knowing of what you do. 

This verse emphasises the need to tell the truth, even if it is uncomfortable, because Allah Almighty knows what is hidden. It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 2928, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.” 

This Hadith places the obligation on parents to gently teach their children and raise them to be ethically accountable, not through fear, but through character. By responding to hidden wrongs with calm firmness and continuous instruction, you educate your child that the truth leads to mending rather than rejection. In this way, you foster not just their honesty, but also their trust in you , and their faith in Allah’s grace. 

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