When my child shows no remorse for hurting someone, how do I correct them in a way that builds conscience? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding the Lack of Remorse 

A child’s lack of remorse or regret in the face of physical or emotional harm can be profoundly unsettling. As a parent, your instincts may be to demand an apology or to react in wrath. But consciousness is not formed through compulsion. It is developed throughout time through intelligent instruction, emotional awareness, and consistent expectations. First, recognise that some children do not express remorse because they are still developing empathy. Others may be humiliated but are too protective to admit it. 

A Strategy for Guiding Reflection 

Instead of rushing to apologise, try directing the conversation with phrases like Let us talk about what happened. How did you think they felt when that happened? This encourages your child to feel, not just conform. If they remain cold or unmoved, keep calm and avoid reacting excessively. In this family, when we hurt someone, we take responsibility and make it right. Provide straightforward next steps: You do not have to say sorry yet. First, just sit quietly for a minute and reflect on what transpired. Then we will talk. Remind them that caring for others is a part of growing up. You are not in trouble. I am here to help you learn how to do better next time. Encourage tiny acts of repair such as giving a toy, sketching a picture, or checking in on the other person. These promote emotional responsibility without causing public humiliation. Do not characterise your child as ‘mean’ or ‘heartless’; this merely strengthens the rift you want to heal. Instead, maintain a constant tone: stern in correction but soft in heart. Conscience develops through reflection, example, and loving repetition, rather than guilt. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the growth of conscience, or Taqwa, is not coerced. It is cultivated via awareness, humility, and the practice of accountability. Even when the heart is hardened, counsel must be given with patience and wisdom. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Ash-Shams (91), Verse 8: 

And inspired it [the soul] with discernment of its wickedness and its righteousness. 

The verse states that every soul has the ability for self-awareness; yet, discernment must be taught and fostered. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2444, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or is being oppressed.’ They said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, we understand how to help the one being oppressed, but how do we help the oppressor?’ He said: ‘By stopping him from oppressing others. 

This Hadith reminds us that correction is a type of compassion, especially towards those who inflict damage. You awaken your child’s conscience by patiently guiding them to understand the consequences of their behaviour and giving repair rather than punishment. Over time, this develops a child who not only says the appropriate words but also feels the weight of their actions, allowing them to make more sincere decisions.