We live with extended family who think we are ‘too soft’. How do I discipline on my terms without causing conflict? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Challenge of Differing Styles 

Experiencing the blessings of living with extended family can also introduce pressure, particularly when parenting styles diverge. You may be regarded as too soft just because your approach does not involve yelling, striking, or public disgrace. However, discipline based on respect and consistency is not a weakness. It combines power with self-control. 

A Strategy for Alignment and Consistency 

Begin by getting clear with yourself and your spouse about what type of parent you want to be. Which values influence your approach: compassion, hard boundaries, consistency, and emotional safety? Outside criticisms have less of an impact on you when your foundation is strong. Avoid discussing punishment tactics in front of your child or in a heated moment. If a family member questions your parenting style, react briefly and calmly, We are handling it. Later, if required, hold a respectful private talk. Explain: We much appreciate your involvement. We are taking a different approach, one that is firm but calm, and we would appreciate your support. Do not strive to convince everyone. Concentrate instead on consistency. Allow your actions to talk. When your child begins to respond positively to your calm boundaries and controlled options, this becomes apparent evidence. Results, not arguments, will soften resistance over time. Also, protect your tone. You do not have to change your disciplinary style to be perceived as serious. You may discipline quietly while yet being explicit. Repeating quietly, This is not permitted. If it continues, there will be a consequence, followed by action, gains more respect from your child and your spectators than shouting ever will. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam rewards people who combine charity and firmness in their leadership. True parenting strength is found in careful direction that reflects the prophetic method, rather than in volume or severity. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aal-i-Imran (3), Verse 159: 

“And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from around you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in matters. “

The verse was revealed concerning leadership, yet its wisdom is immediately applicable to parenting: connection is lost when severity takes over. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2594, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“Kindness is not to be found in anything but that it adds to its beauty and it is not withdrawn from anything but it makes it defective.” 

This Hadith confirms that gentleness is not a soft alternative, but rather the beautiful, prophetic approach. You demonstrate calm leadership by remaining grounded in your strategy, even when extended family members disagree. You demonstrate to your child—and others—that discipline may be firm without being harsh, and kind without being permissive. That is not tenderness. That demonstrates prophetic strength.