What should I do when my child imitates their father’s harsh tone and thinks that is normal? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding the Imitation 

Not only do children absorb words, but also tones. When a child imitates a parent’s harsh tone, it is usually less about mimicking and more about internalising what they perceive to be normal communication. Over time, this can influence how they express frustration, set boundaries, and communicate with others. 

A Strategy for Change 

First, discuss the tone issue discreetly with the father, using neutral language. For example: I noticed that X said the same harsh phrasing you used earlier. I think he is acting normal from what he hears. Let us work together on healthier tone. Framing it as a child reflecting on his or her actions helps to prevent blame and promotes transparency. Next, introduce kinder alternatives: educate the child respectful assertiveness. Instead of emulating harshness, use statements such as I felt upset when that happened. Encourage empathy rather than emphasising severity. Create family traditions that promote compassion and tone, such as a monthly gratitude exchange in which everyone speaks calmly. Reinforce emotional vocabulary: I see you are frustrated, It helps to pause and say what you feel. Soft conversation gets more comfortable over time, eventually replacing the harsh default voice. If the father is prepared, request that he consciously lower his voice during interactions with the child. Subsequently, recognise his efforts by stating, It was greatly beneficial for us today that you communicated with him in a composed manner. Small adjustments over time affect not only behaviour but also emotional tone. 

Spiritual Insight 

The tone of speech is profoundly entrenched in prophetic teaching, not just what is said, but also how it is delivered, expresses personality and mercy. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse  53: 

“And informed My servants that they should speak in only the most politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan (is always ready) to infuse anarchy between them. “

This scripture encourages believers to use communication that promotes unity rather than division. A harsh tone instils animosity, whereas calm, polite communication promotes emotional safety and trust. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5673, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“So be moderate in your religious deeds and do the deeds that are within your ability: and none of you should wish for death, for if he is a good doer, he may increase his good deeds, and if he is an evil doer, he may repent to Allah Almighty. “

This hadith highlights the power of speech and repentance. When a child realises that words matter and tone expresses mercy, they start to unlearn harshness. When a parent changes tone, apologises, and encourages improved speaking, it is consistent with prophetic practice. Children learn that courteous discourse is the Sunnah of mercy through consistency and kindness-based punishment.