How do I help my child understand that feelings are not wrong, but our responses matter? 

Parenting Perspective 

Distinguishing Emotion from Behaviour 

Children often believe that being sad, angry, or envious makes them ‘bad.’ Your first task is to distinguish between behaviour and emotion. It is acceptable to feel upset, you say gently. All emotions are acceptable, but not all behaviours. This teaches your child that there is nothing to conceal or be afraid of in their inner world. A child feels noticed, not condemned, and that is the first step towards emotional safety. 

Building Their Emotional Toolkit 

To assist children in controlling their urges, provide age-appropriate examples, such as It is acceptable to feel angry, but it is not acceptable to throw things. Instead, you might take deep breaths or beat your feet. You are developing your child’s emotional toolkit when you regularly provide these options, particularly when they are at ease. Allow them to observe how you manage your own emotions as well: I paused to catch my breath since I was feeling irritated before responding. That kept me being nice. You are demonstrating that emotions are controllable rather than harmful by sharing your method. Your child eventually discovers that emotions may be spoken with guidance and care and do not have to be kept hidden or frightened. Emotional intelligence is developed in this way: through experience in real life, boundaries, and validation. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that although emotions are a part of our fitrah, or innate nature, we are nonetheless in charge of how we respond to them. Allah Almighty says in Surah Al Shams (91), Verses 7–8: 

“And by the soul and how it is designed (for infusion into the body). Thus, We have designed (the soul with discretion) for wickedness and piety. “

This indicates that both the ability to react wisely and the stirrings of impulse are found inside the inner self. Islam improves the course of action rather than condemning feeling. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6116, that when a man asked the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ for advice, he stated: 

“Do not become angry. “

When the man asked again, the Prophet ﷺ gave the same reply. This repeat was an exhortation to react with restraint rather than a rejection of feeling. Even though the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ personally experienced anguish, sorrow, and intense times, he always did it with dignity and self-control. It is an act of both spiritual and emotional education to teach your child that their deeds are where they grow and that their feelings are important. It confirms that the heart is a trust and not a weakness.