What can I do if my child says It is fine but I know they are still holding on to what happened? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding “It is Fine” 

It is often a protective reaction rather than a sincere resolution when a child responds, It is fine, but still withdraws, avoids eye contact, or behaves differently. Sometimes children pick up on your remorse and try to ease your burden by limiting their own suffering. Alternatively, children may not yet possess the language necessary to describe their inner experience. 

Validating Unspoken Feelings 

Validate the idea of lasting emotion softly rather than demanding dialogue. You may respond, I know you said it is fine, but it is okay if you still feel hurt. When you are ready, I am here. This validates their implicit emotions and reassures them that it is acceptable to feel them, even after verbal forgiveness has been extended. Keep re-establishing your connection by being present instead of using pressure. Participate in an activity they like. Provide tiny gestures of affection, such as a gentle tone, a shared snack, or an offer to hang out. Words cannot express what these gestures can. 

Reading Emotional Clues 

They frequently say what children find difficult to say, so pay attention to emotional clues like sarcasm, abrupt stillness, or exaggerated joy. Conflict resolution requires more than simply words; it also requires attitude, consistency, and sensitivity. Above all, let your love to transcend the present. You may educate your child that their feelings are important even when they are silent by remaining composed, compassionate, and close by. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours both what is spoken and what remains hidden within the heart. The noble Quran reminds us in Surah Al Mulk (67), Verse 13: 

“(And know all mankind whether) you conceal your words or publicly declare them; indeed, He (Allah Almighty) is Omniscient over all of that which you (conceal) in your heart.” 

This verse highlights the fact that, despite our inability to express it verbally, Allah Almighty understands the truth of our inner selves. Being quiet does not necessarily indicate that a child is completely content. It can only indicate that they are still recovering in private. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never rushed others into emotional expression. His mercy made space for silence, discomfort, and delayed trust. It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 4943, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

“Those who do not show mercy to our young ones and do not realise the right of our elders are not from us.” 

Let patience be the manifestation of that mercy. React gently and consistently when your child says, It is fine, but their heart still has the bruise. The emotional safety that is lost during an angry outburst is restored by that gradual, silent healing that is fostered by your patience.