What should I do when my anger feels justified but my reaction still feels wrong afterwards? 

Parenting Perspective 

Separating the Feeling from the Reaction 

An appropriate response does not necessarily follow from the validity of your anger. It is quite acceptable to be upset when your child hits, lies, or acts disobediently; these behaviours need to be corrected. However, how we respond is just as important in parenting as why we do it. There is a deeper issue that has to be addressed if your response makes your child feel afraid, perplexed, or emotionally detached. 

The Power of Responsible Repair 

After the incident, avoid shame or defensiveness. Reflect instead: Was I correcting the behaviour or discharging emotion? Did I guide my child or just overwhelm them? These questions open the door to growth. If your response was too abrupt, set an example of responsible repair by saying, I was right to stop that, and you were wrong to hit. But I should have used a calmer voice. That is on me. Your child learns from this that taking responsibility is a strength rather than a weakness. You can maintain boundaries and be humble at the same time. Repair increases trust in authority rather than undermining it. 

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Spiritual Insight 

Justice is not an excuse for harm. Islam allows space for righteous anger but anchors it with mercy and dignity. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

“….And never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail, as that is very close to attaining piety…. “

This holds true for our homes as much as for countries. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never justified a harsh reaction, even when wronged. It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3689, that he said: 

“Allah Almighty is gentle and loves gentleness in all things. “

This Hadith emphasises that compassion is always preferred by God, not just in terms of rewards but also in the character of our reactions. Under spiritual discipline, gentleness is strength rather than weakness. Therefore, it is not failure when your fury feels justified but your tone is tinged with regret; rather, it is a call to improve your answer. The objective is to transform anger into something that connects, teaches, and heals rather than to eradicate it. 

Click below to discover meaningful books that nurture strong values in your child and support you on your parenting journey: