Should I ignore my child during a tantrum or try to talk to them?
Parenting Perspective
When a child has a tantrum, particularly when they are younger, their ability to engage in logical conversation is reduced for a time. The strong emotions can often overpower their ability to manage their feelings, which means that having a logical discussion at that time might not work well. Rather than rushing to change their mind, it is usually more effective to first establish a calm and secure environment. This approach allows the child to process their emotions until they are ready to engage in conversation. Trying to talk to a child who is very upset can make things worse, especially if they feel like no one is listening to them or understands their feelings. However, this does not imply that the child should be entirely disregarded. Instead, it means providing a steady presence without getting into arguments or discussions. Some parents find it helpful to quietly stay close or use few words to reassure the child that they are safe, while also setting limits on behaviours that are not acceptable. After the intensity subsides, a calm and thoughtful discussion can assist the child in grasping the situation and considering better responses for the future. This method encourages the growth of emotional understanding while minimising focus on disruptive behaviour.
Spiritual Insight
Islam teaches us to handle emotional challenges with patience, mindfulness, and kindness. Children, like adults, are not required to always maintain perfect self-control, and tantrums should be viewed as a part of their development rather than a personal shortcoming. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verses 63: ‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who, wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “peace be unto you”.’ While this verse addresses interactions with others, it offers a meaningful model for parents responding to emotional storms with calm restraint rather than argument or harshness.
It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3687 that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: ‘Whoever is deprived of gentleness, he is deprived of goodness.’ When parents manage their emotions, particularly during a child’s tantrum, they are setting a positive example. They show how to balance self-control, mercy, and firmness simultaneously. In moments like these, making a quiet Dua for patience and guidance can be a silent act of faith that redirects the heart towards trust in Allah Almighty. When the child calms, a short reminder such as, ‘Feelings are fine, but hurting or shouting is not’, allows boundaries to be reinforced with warmth. This process builds trust, spiritual character, and resilience in the child with time.
