How can I teach my child to take deep breaths or count when upset?
Parenting Perspective
Assisting a child in managing their emotions is a valuable commitment to their overall health and happiness. Instructing children in straightforward calming methods like deep breathing or counting can equip them with strategies to manage their emotions during intense situations. These strategies are especially appropriate for children aged 4 to 11, who are gaining self-awareness but still need adult assistance to handle intense emotions. Deep breathing reduces the body’s physical stress response and can serve as a way to ‘reset’ your system, while counting helps redirect focus and provides order during a chaotic situation.
Children do not inherently understand how to soothe themselves; they require consistent guidance and examples to learn this skill. For instance, you can guide your child to take slow breaths by counting together or encourage them to use their fingers to count to five when they are feeling stressed. It is beneficial to practise these techniques during peaceful times, not only during moments of anger. This helps create comfort and strengthens the ability before it is required in a stressful situation. Staying consistent and practicing together shows that it is both normal and beneficial to work on managing emotions. This method helps children recognise that emotions are genuine, but they do not dictate their actions.
Spiritual Insight
Islam offers a deeply nurturing framework for emotional development, grounded in patience, self-awareness, and discipline. Allah Almighty guides believers to seek calmness in moments of distress and encourages self-regulation over impulsive reaction. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: ‘Those (the believers are the ones)that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ This verse highlights that even in difficult situations, those who exercise control over their anger are beloved by Allah Almighty. Teaching a child to breathe deeply or count is not merely a behavioural technique; it is a small but sincere step in helping them fulfil this noble Quranic trait of self-restraint.
It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated:
‘The strong is not the one who overcomes others by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.’ By gently teaching this understanding to a child, parents are assisting them in following the Prophetic example of strength through managing their emotions. Introducing methods such as breathing or counting as responsible actions rather than punitive measures supports the Islamic perspective that handling one’s emotions is essential to Taqwa and good character. When children receive this kind of support, they understand that it is okay to feel upset, but responding calmly is a valuable skill and a meaningful expression of their beliefs.
