How can I help my child learn to manage their emotions before they explode?
Parenting Perspective
Helping a child manage their emotions before they have a tantrum is a careful and supportive process that starts with understanding. Young children often experience strong feelings that they may not yet know how to recognise or handle properly. Their thinking skills are developing, particularly in terms of the ability to stop, think, and come up with a response. One of the best approaches is to help your child recognise their emotions and comprehend the reasons behind those feelings. Recognising emotions, such as saying, ‘It seems you are upset because the toy is not working,’ helps the child feel understood and gives them the words they need to express their feelings rather than reacting with anger. It is important to provide proactive support; children benefit from having a regular daily routine, clear expectations, and choices within set limits, which helps reduce emotional stress. Showing calm responses to stress, acknowledging your child’s efforts to stay calm, and offering gentle support in solving problems will help them develop self-regulation over time. The emotional development of a child is significantly shaped by the steady and patient efforts of the parent. Parents need to understand that teaching children how to manage their emotions isn’t a one-time event. Instead, it happens gradually through many daily interactions that build trust and strengthen their ability to cope.
Spiritual Insight
Islamic guidance supports the cultivation of inner calm and emotional awareness as part of a parent’s responsibility in Tarbiyah. Teaching a child to recognise and manage emotions is part of nurturing the soul and character (Akhlaq). Allah Almighty highlights the virtue of self-restraint and measured behaviour. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 133–134: ‘And compete to seek forgiveness from your Sustainer, and to the Gardens (of Paradise) the width of which (is equivalent to) the layers of trans-universal existence and the Earth; prepared for those who have attained piety. Those (believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ This verse connects emotional discipline with reward and divine approval, helping parents appreciate that inner strength is a quality worth cultivating gently but consistently.
It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: ‘The strong man is not the one who is strong in wrestling, but the one who controls himself in anger.’ These teachings provide a guide for emotional growth, indicating that assisting children in handling their emotions is not just a parenting objective but also a means of fostering future individuals who embody patience and self-awareness. Developing this ability in children serves as a form of Sadaqah Jariyah, as it positively influences their character and those in their community throughout their lives. Parents who support their children with kindness, understanding, and patience are embodying the essence of compassionate guidance
