Are rewards helpful in preventing tantrums, or do they just lead to children demanding each time?
Parenting Perspective
Employing rewards to promote positive behaviour can be beneficial when applied judiciously and in moderation. For instance, providing a reward following a challenging yet essential activity, such as cooperating throughout a transition, may incentivise a child to behave calmly. Nonetheless, if incentives become the sole motivation for a child’s compliance, or if the youngster starts to insist on them for fundamental expectations, this may foster a pattern of transactional conduct. In such instances, the child anticipates a reward for behaviour that ought to integrate into their regular habit.
Prioritising consistency, transparent communication, and emotional engagement is more beneficial than relying on external rewards. Rather than providing prizes consistently, parents may progressively interval rewards or transition to non-material recognitions, such as verbal praise, smiles, or a communal family activity. This fosters intrinsic motivation and assists the child in appreciating their efforts over the results. Rewards should be predictable, linked to specific behaviours, and not employed as bribes during a tantrum. The objective is to assist youngsters in managing their emotions and behaviours, rather than to divert attention from or neglect the underlying emotional need that precipitate the outbursts.
Spiritual Insight
Islam teaches us to encourage good character through kindness, fairness, and the nurturing of moral awareness. The use of rewards can be part of this when done with wisdom and moderation, as long as the aim remains sincere character development. Allah Almighty reminds us in the noble Quran at Al Zalzalah (99), Verses 7-8: ‘Thus, everyone’s actions equivalent to the measurement of an atom that is good shall be observed by them (on the Day of judgement) and everyone’s actions equivalent to the measurement of an atom that is wicked shall be observed by them (on the Day of judgement).’ This shows that every action, however small, is acknowledged and has consequences, and that understanding this can help shape a child’s moral sense from a young age. Moreover, it is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1921, that holy Prophet Muhammadﷺ stated:‘He is not one of us who does not have mercy upon our young, respect our elders, and command good and forbid evil.’ This Hadith encourages us to think about the emotional and developmental requirements of our children. Encouragement and recognition can help a child feel more confident and connected. Islamic guidance highlights the importance of balance and intention. Rewards should not take the place of efforts to assist a child in developing patience, self-awareness, and emotional control. Parents can help their children grow and develop strong character that is pleasing to Allah Almighty by being consistent, compassionate, and setting clear boundaries.
