How can I prevent tantrums when we have guests or visitors?
Parenting Perspective
Mitigating the occurrence of tantrums during social visits or gatherings necessitates a comprehensive understanding of the fact that young children frequently experience feelings of being overwhelmed due to alterations in their routine, the presence of unfamiliar individuals, or a lack of sustained attention from their carers. It is advantageous to adequately prepare your child prior to the visit by providing a clear and composed explanation of the anticipated events, the individuals who will be present, and the expected duration of the visit. This has the potential to mitigate uncertainty and alleviate anxiety. Establishing explicit expectations in advance, including guidance on permissible play areas and the items designated for sharing, serves to mitigate potential conflicts or feelings of disappointment. It may be helpful to provide your child with a selection of limited choices to enhance their sense of involvement and control. For instance, allowing them to select their outfit or the toys they wish to present to guests could be beneficial.
It is of paramount importance to engage in proactive planning by addressing your child’s physical needs prior to the arrival of visitors. It is imperative to ascertain that individuals are adequately rested, properly nourished, and not subjected to excessive stimulation. It is recommended to inform individuals that should they require a respite; they are permitted to withdraw to a designated quiet area. Throughout the visitation, it is beneficial to maintain a composed demeanour and remain vigilant, intervening promptly should your child exhibit any indications of distress. If a tantrum does occur, respond with calm firmness, guiding them to a private space, if necessary, without embarrassment or shame. It is imperative to prioritise the well-being of your child above all else, rather than focussing on the preservation of superficial appearances.
Spiritual Insight
Within the Islamic tradition, guiding children through emotional difficulty is part of fulfilling the trust (Amaanah) that Allah Almighty has placed upon parents. Tantrums should not be seen as public shame but as an opportunity to model restraint, mercy, and wisdom. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 63: ‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who, wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”. ’
This verse serves as a reminder to parents that our reactions, especially in stressful situations, demonstrate the values we want to instil in our children. When we respond with kindness and control, we foster an environment of peace and respect in others. It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3687 that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: ‘Whoever is deprived of gentleness, he is deprived of goodness.’ Showing patience during stressful public situations
helps a child understand the real value of character. Experiencing tantrums in public can be embarrassing, but for a parent who responds with respect and kindness, every challenge serves as an opportunity to grow closer to Allah Almighty. Seek His help with a quiet Dua, even inwardly, and remember that He sees the effort, the restraint, and the love invested. The more we parent with Sabr and trust in His guidance, the more we become vessels of Rahmah in our home.
