What can I do when my child throws tantrums at school or in front of teachers?
Parenting Perspective
Instances of a child exhibiting tantrums within the school environment or in the presence of educators can evoke feelings of discouragement and embarrassment among parents. It is essential to recognise that children may exhibit varied modes of expression when placed in unfamiliar or structured settings, particularly when they experience feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, or difficulties in navigating transitions. Tantrums occurring in public environments, such as during school assessments, reflect not only a child’s ability to manage their emotions but also serve as a reflection of a parent’s guiding principles. It is advisable to collect pertinent information, commence by engaging in a composed and forthright dialogue with the educator or school personnel to ascertain the circumstances surrounding the behaviour in question. Did your child exhibit signs of fatigue, hunger, frustration, or provocation? What events transpired immediately prior to the outburst? This may assist in the identification of patterns or triggers. Upon identifying the underlying cause, it becomes imperative to collaborate with the educator to implement minor modifications aimed at alleviating stressors. Such
adjustments may include extending the duration allotted for transitions or facilitating access to a quiet space as necessary.
Facilitate emotional support for your child within the home environment by engaging in a gentle dialogue regarding the incident, thereby assisting them in articulating their feelings effectively. Rather than imposing punitive measures for the tantrum, it is beneficial to facilitate a process through which the individual can comprehend the circumstances that led to the outburst and explore alternative responses for future occurrences. It is important to emphasise to your child that experiencing intense emotions does not equate to being ‘bad’; rather, it is a natural part of the learning process. It is suggested to engage in role-playing scenarios that frequently occur within the domestic environment to develop and refine alternative methods for articulating feelings of frustration. It is imperative to maintain open lines of communication between the home environment and the educational institution. This collaborative approach is essential for effectively supporting the emotional development of the child, ensuring that both parties contribute to a consistent and nurturing framework.
Spiritual Insight
As Muslim parents, it is crucial to recognise that each challenge presents an opportunity to cultivate patience, mercy, and a deeper reliance on Allah Almighty. These assessments should not be interpreted as indicators of personal inadequacy; rather, they represent valuable opportunities for development and advancement. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: ‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity….’ This verse serves as a reminder that, regardless of how challenging a situation may appear, you are not alone, and you possess the strength to overcome it. Allah Almighty is fully aware of your struggles and equips you to manage them.
Tantrums do not define your child’s worth or your parenting. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ showed compassion to children even when they were disruptive in public spaces. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 868, as narrated by Abdullah bin Abi Qatada Al-Ansari: ‘My father said that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ shortened his prayer when he heard a child crying, out of concern for the parent.’ This teaches us to prioritise mercy and understanding over appearance. Remember that children are born with an inherent nature, and developing their emotions is a crucial part of their growth process. By responding to school tantrums with calmness and care, you demonstrate the self-control and character we want to develop in our children. Making Dua for your child’s ease and progress and involving them in simple words of remembrance or phrases like ‘Ya Allah, help me stay calm’ can plant seeds of Taqwa and resilience in their hearts from an early age. Let every challenge become a chance to build both emotional skills and spiritual strength, with Allah Almighty’s help.
